Stuff Cade Says #5

Cade is my 7 year-old son. He says some funny stuff. There was the time he suggested I breastfeed our baby, or the time he explained to me why God made clothes.

Just before we left on a trip to see Maile’s family, one of our daughters asked if Maile’s brother Ryan still had a dog.

Abra: Where are we going today?
Maile: To Auntie Kim and Uncle Ryan’s house.
Lucy: Do they have a dog?
Cade: No, their dog died.
(Then Cade turns to Maile with arms outstretched, a sudden and horrible realization spreading across his face).
…Cade: Why are ALL THE DOGS DYING?
So, if you have a dog, watch out, because apparently they are all dying.
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Make sure you head over to yesterday’s post. It’s an experiment I’ve been doing for three weeks, where I write a continuing short story and at key moments let you, the reader, decide what happens next. You can read yesterday’s installment HERE and help shape the direction of the story, or you can read the entire story HERE.
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Anyone giving anything up for Lent? Two days in, are you confident in your ability to go forty days without, or do you kind of wonder what you’ve gotten yourself into?

Run, Macy, Run

Behind Geoff Campbell, thick drapes held the night at bay. Two small lamps, in the corners behind him, sent a glow through the cavernous study. His large mahogany desk sat in the middle of the room like a stone altar.

His wrinkled fingers gently lifted the sheet of paper, methodically folded it into thirds, then slipped it into a small white envelope. Just as he licked the flap, the door to his study opened. But he didn’t look up. He knew.

“Mr. Campbell?” the young woman’s voice asked hesitantly. She pulled back the hood of her sweatshirt. Her dark hair fell down around her shoulders like a curtain.

“The girl?” he asked. Everything about Geoff was typical of an old man except his voice, which sounded smooth, hard and young.

“She ran.”

“She ran?”

“She ran. We let her go. We didn’t want to hurt her.”

He stared at the letter, then put it into his breast pocket. Then he stared at the back of his hands, as if trying to read a secret map hidden in the folds of rice-paper skin.

“She ran,” he said again, this time to himself, then, “Did you follow her?”

“Yes, we know where she is.”

“Did she have her ticket with her? Don’t do anything else for now. Just keep track of her. Any progress with the other seven?”

“No Mr. Campbell. She’s still our best bet. We believe our only bet.”

He looked up at the ceiling, frowned, then sighed.

“On second thought, I think it’s time to move. I want you to find her, make sure she has the ticket, and then you can take her place.”

“Take her place, sir?”

Mr. Campbell looked at the young woman for the first time during the entire conversation.

“Take her place, Sara.”

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Macy sat between two trash cans in an alley, about 100 yards off of 3rd street. The smell reminded her of coffee grounds and two-day old fast food. And dirty diapers.

She peered down the narrow alley. The same black sedan kept passing by, every five minutes or so. The rain began to fall, and she moved into a crouch to get off the ground. Shielding her phone behind one of the trash cans, she sent a text to Penelope.

“Need help. Hiding in the alley across from Stan’s, on 3rd. Pick me up?”

The reply came back quickly.

“5 minutes.”

She sighed. Then, remembering that the girl had asked for the ticket, she pulled it out of her pockets and scanned the numbers. Her hands started to shake, first in small vibrations, then in large tremors. It felt like the buildings were spinning around her. She almost dropped the ticket as she looked over the numbers again.

1 – 2 – 4 – 7 – 9 – 11 – 12 – 32

She had won.

A car pulled up beside the alley. Penelope. The rain started coming down harder as Macy rose to her feet and ran. But when she was about halfway to the street, she saw two men approach Penelope’s car. She flattened herself behind a dumpster and held her breath. When she didn’t hear anything, she peeked out.

One guy was talking to Penelope through the driver’s side window, his forearms resting on the top of the car, while the other walked around to the passenger side and peered down the alley. Then he turned around, opened the door, and climbed in. The first guy climbed into the back seat, behind Penelope.

And she drove off.

This time Macy’s entire body started shaking. She leaned back against the brick. Her hair was soaked and hung in long, tight strands. What kind of a nightmare was she in?

“Macy!” a woman’s voice called from the street, echoing back the alley. She recognized the voice. It was the girl from the fire escape, and she was walking towards the dumpster.

“We know you’re back there. You need to stop running, Macy. Running will only get you hurt. Come out now. And bring the ticket.”

Just then her phone started vibrating. She looked down to see who it was.

Penelope.

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This week you get to make two decisions. The first one will answer the question, what does Macy do next?

1)     Macy ignores the phone, hides the ticket in a dry place she won’t forget, and goes out to meet the girl

2)     Someone opens a door on the other side of the alley. She ignores the phone call and runs through the door.

3)     She answers the phone and someone (not Penelope) offers to help her escape, if she’ll follow their instructions. She agrees.

The second decision you get to make this week has to do with what the Super Eight winners actually get. And it’s not money:

A)   The eight winners are taken to a secure place in the city and given the opportunity to start a new life under a new identity, and no one else will know.

B)    The story takes place in a walled city. The eight lottery winners get to leave.

C)    The story takes place during a time of population control. The eight winners are women who are now allowed to have babies.

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To read the entire story so far, go HERE (but to vote, you’ll need to come back to this page)

Tuesday’s Top Ten: Candy BY FLAVOR

We’ve done a top 10 candy post before, but we’ve never broken it down to this level, and it needs to be done.

No longer can we simply present the name of a candy and say it is our favorite, unless we are going to clarify which flavor we are talking about.

For example, it doesn’t make sense for us to say we love Runts, when what we actually love are the purple and pink pieces (while hating the bananas, oranges and limes).

Why am I writing as if there is more than one of me at the keyboard?

Anywhoo…on to the top ten candy flavors of all time (in no particular order):

1) Big League Chew GRAPE

2) Sour Skittles CHERRY

3) Sour Skittles GRAPE

4) Sour Patch Kids RED (what is that, strawberry or cherry?)

5) Laffy Taffy STRAWBERRY

6) Laffy Taffy GRAPE

7) Now N Laters GRAPE

8) Now N Laters CHERRY

9) Swedish Fish GRAPE (no longer in production – trust me, I contacted the company)

10) Nerds STRAWBERRY

Now for a brief list of candy flavors so disgusting most other countries use them as fertilizer, or sift from their tastier counterparts before putting them in septic tanks:

– Black Licorice (including those pink and white pill-shaped things that hide black licorice inside)

– Banana Runts (like eating a curved Calormene scimitar)

– Lemon Sour Patch Kids (redundant?)

– Banana Laffy Taffy (just plain gross)

I expect today’s comments section to be filled with complete agreement, as this is the best candy list every compiled.

Good day.

And the Winner Is…

Last Thursday I asked you guys for your best blog post from the month of February. And you delivered.

In the spirit of the Oscars (which I didn’t watch), here are my favorite five posts from the ones you folks submitted. What were the criteria? I have none:

1) Best romantic comedy: Andi‘s post, “How To Guarantee I Will Not Read your Online Dating Profile,” is hilarious.

2) Best failed post: Bryan. Do you like the saying, “Failure is not an option?” Turns out that’s one great big fat lie. Failure IS an option.

3) Best Oscar recap: Clay. A walk through of the Oscars, minute by minute. Much more entertaining than the real thing.

4) Best Rated R post: Brenda. She takes us behind the scenes of a taboo subject.

5) Best post about trying to change other people: Alise. I’ve become a huge fan of Alise’s blog. This is a poignant look at how we treat the people we love, even when there are differences that threaten to divide us.

Honorable mentions:

Best post built around a made-up word: Euforilla

Best post about watching the Super Bowl…with all girls: Elizabeth

Best post about not meeting a celebrity: Kristie

Best post about the inherent nature of people: Janet

Best-tasting post: 3D

Best appearance by a blogger about to give birth at any moment: Sarah

The bottom line is, if you check these out, I’m sure you’ll find someone new to follow.

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Don’t forget to check in here Wednesday for the next installment of “You Decide: A Story Shaped By Its Readers.”

Five Writing Secrets I Learned From “The Princess Bride”

True love. A giant. Pirates. Mistaken identity. A double-triple-quadruple cross that turns into a deadly choice of one goblet over another, and the decision is made by way of logic and nonsense.

All of these, and more, take place in the classic movie, “The Princess Bride.”

But did you know there was treasure hidden in there, too? Priceless gems, in fact. Here they are: five writing secrets I learned from “The Princess Bride.” Continue reading “Five Writing Secrets I Learned From “The Princess Bride””

I Wanna Know (Part Deux)

The last time I did this, I had a great time catching up on the best of your blogs, so I thought, “Hey, let’s do this on a monthly basis. Or a semi-annual basis. Or a quarter-bicentennial basis.”

Here’s how it goes…

For you bloggers out there, let me know your most popular blog post in the month of February. Just one. I know all twenty-eight were amazing. But one had to rise above all the rest. So let us know your name and the http-thingy that will guide us through the winternets.

For you blog-readers out there, let us know your absolute favorite post you read in February. Once again, choose one. I know your Google-readers were sizzling in February with all the ground-breaking work. Pick one.

If you’re both blog-reader and a blogger, then do one of each. One. Of. Each.

I might even hand out some Oscar-type awards, once I have a chance to read The Very Best of February (also in the comments help me think up a better name for what might become a monthly contest).

Go.

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Don’t forget to go by yesterday’s “You Decide” post, where the readers help determine the story’s direction.