In a move considered improbable by most (and impossible by everyone else), Facebook is running for President of the United States. Early polls suggest that the organization has claimed 98% of the coveted “soccer mom” vote, 87% of the ice-cream-eater vote and 72% of the stay-at-home dad vote.
Labeled “pure genius” by Democratic strategist James Carville and “breathtaking” by Republican Ann Coulter, Facebook seeks to become the first organization to serve as President of the United States. Facebook will run under the newly created Social(ist) Media Party.
The aim of Facebook? To create a more user-friendly government. Senators will be able to “Like” bills proposed in the senate, House Representatives will be granted a certain number of “Poke”s, and Supreme Court Justices will be allowed to friend, block or ignore particular cases. The public will be allowed to unfriend, block or unfollow members of Congress, potentially barring their presence from the Senate or the House.
But what does it all mean for the future of our government?
“It would be an unmitigated disaster,” President Obama opined at a recent press conference. “It’s un-American, unprofessional, and uncalled for. I don’t “like” it one bit, and I’ve taken the liberty to cancel the Facebook accounts of everyone in my administration.”
Mitt Romney was unavailable for comment, though sources claim both he and his wife are now torn over whether to vote for Romney when they cast their ballots in November or to join the Facebook camp.
Facebook first considered the move after witnessing the number of political comments appearing in its news feed.
“We noticed how many people were making excellent political points in their status updates,” one anonymous Facebook source claimed. “The conversations were unbelievably civil and the discourse engaging. We decided it was time for us to throw our hat in the ring.”
In order to comply with election rules, the organization will be listed on the ballot as first name Face, last name Book. Possible vice-presidential nominees include Twitter and Klout. Google+ was unavailable for comment.
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