What Bird Found at the Top of the Vacant Building

Barely opened door? from Flickr via Wylio
© 2007 Chloë Rae, Flickr | CC-BY-ND | via Wylio

The twin boys walked through one of the back alleys in the heart of Virgil, the part of the city that was nothing but narrow spaces turning into smaller alleys and walkways you had to squeeze through, even if you were a boy. The city had never been planned out very well. There were ninety-nine dead ends for every way out, and each one was bordered by closed doors and broken windows. Locked eyes and shattered teeth.

But the two boys didn’t seem to mind. They walked slowly, kicking at rocks and jumping with two firm feet into every puddle they could find. And there were many puddles, because the tiny alleyways were littered with potholes, and the storm had lasted for days.

The two boys each had hair as dark as the rooms behind the windows and fair skin that had been slightly burnt a summer red. They both wore the same tan shorts, the same dirty sneakers, and old socks, wet and muddy water brown, pulled up to just below their knees. But one wore a gray t-shirt and the other wore a blue button-up shirt that he had ripped the sleeves off of. The collar was still on it, and he wore it flipped up, like a 60s gang member. They were around ten years old. Everyone in the city recognized them. No one knew where they lived or who their parents were.

“I’m bored, Bird.”

The boy reached up and nervously itched around the top of his gray t-shirt. He didn’t like when his brother called him Bird, and it made him anxious when his brother got bored. It meant they were going to do scary things. He shook his head, but he didn’t say anything, he just jumped two feet into the next puddle, hard, as if trying to jump into the earth.

“C’mon, Bird, let’s do something fun.”

“I don’t want to. Let’s play a game.”

“Okay, but if I win then we have to do something fun,” the boy spat.

“Okay,” Bird shouted back, “but if I win you have to give me that picture of the girl. You know, the one that lady on Genna Street gave you.”

Both boys stared at each other.

“Fine,” said the boy with the cutoff sleeves. “Fine. But I pick the game.”

“No way, Ike. We both decide.”

“Fine,” Ike said again. “Fine. The rock closest to the wall game.”

“No, you always win. Riddles.”

“Yeah, right,” Ike said. The two boys stood there silently. The sky was blue, but the alley was narrow and the buildings on either side tall, so you had to look straight up to see it.

Ike jogged ahead to where a broken pallet had been left to rot. He bent back two loose pieces and charged back towards Bird with one in each hand. He raised one of the clubs over his head and shouted a warrior cry. The look on his face was terrifying, and Bird thought for sure he was going to hit him. But Ike froze in place, like a painting, then laughed.

“Catch a rat,” he said, handing over one of the wooden sticks.

Bird sighed and itched his collar bone again.

“Okay. Sure.”

Ike smiled and ran off, trying one door after another until he found one that wasn’t locked, then he disappeared inside. Bird ran after him but tried the next door. Locked. The next door. Locked. He skipped a bunch of doors and tried the one at the end of the alley that faced the way they had come from. It clicked open and he walked into the darkness.

“This isn’t a game,” he shouted back into the alley. “This is your idea of doing something fun.”

But Ike had already been consumed by the building, so Bird stood there and let his eyes adjust. Dirty furniture. A fridge leaning forward with its door stuck in the floor. A rusty oven. Abandoned, but not too nasty. He wondered if it might be a good place for him and Ike to stay for a while.

Then he saw it, a twitching movement by the stairs. The rat was half the size of a full-grown cat. He clenched the stick and took a few very slow steps in the rat’s direction. It stood up on its back feet. Bird froze. The rat held something between its paws, something it was eating. Then it turned and scampered lightly up the steps. Bird followed.

The rat kept going up, up, and at each landing Bird followed the rat to the next stairway. He went up four or five floors, to the very top, wielding his stick and waiting for a chance to bean that rat and win the game. But when he got to the top floor, it wasn’t there anymore. There was a door at the end of the hall, and it was cracked open.

Bird crept over the wooden floor, grimacing as each board groaned under his weight. He clutched the stick, no longer in attack mode. No, this was for defensive purposes only. There were no windows on that floor, only closed doors and the one barely opened at the end, the one letting through a beam of dim light. He looked around for a light switch but couldn’t see anything.

He got to the door and peeked inside. What he saw surprised him.

It was a spacious apartment, and light streamed through the windows. He could see the blue sky above all the surrounding buildings. The apartment was immaculate with shining hardwood floors, exposed brick walls and wooden beams in the ceiling. He crept just inside. He didn’t hear anyone. He turned on the light.

All around the entire apartment were rows and rows of paintings. Some were strange, with battle scenes involving mythical creatures eating the heads off of one another. Others were peaceful landscapes. But as he looked down the row, one caught him as a little strange. He walked closer.

It was a painting of his brother. His face was shouting a warrior cry, and over his head he held a wooden club, ready to bring it down. It was the exact image that Bird had just seen down on the street before they had agreed to play Catch a Rat.

“I’ve gotta show Ike,” he muttered, but when he turned to leave, the door was closed.

If you’d like to find out more about the importance of paintings in Virgil, check out the first installment HERE.

Regarding Caesareans, Gratefulness, and the Gifts We Give

Quit looking at me funny... from Flickr via Wylio
© 2014 Quinn Dombrowski, Flickr | CC-BY-SA | via Wylio

Our good friends Steve and Coral had a child the very same day that our son Leo came into the world. Steve posted this on his Facebook page and I thought it was so well said that I asked him if I could share it here as well. Maeve is the name of one of his older children.

* * * * *

I was delighted, and surprised, honestly, that Maeve wanted to come to church with me this morning. We walked in and found our spot all the way at the end of the pew along the aisle and just about as soon as we sat down I heard over my shoulder,

“Morning Steve, would you like to bring up the gifts?”

I was, again, delighted and surprised. I’d never presented the gifts before. Maeve was quick to tell me that she had. I’d never even given the idea much thought beyond thinking that, as a matter of expediency, the people sitting closest to the bread and wine were asked to give it to the priest when the appropriate time came. Not much to it.

But I was suddenly overwhelmed.

* * * * *

I made a point to get to mass this morning because out of all the feelings that I’ve had over the past few days the one dominant and persistent feeling has been thankfulness.

We made it. 35 ½ weeks, complication after complication, hospital visit after hospital visit, the day finally came. Then Cesarean, then neonatal intensive care, then leaving the hospital without our daughter – but we made it. We made it and she’s perfect and lovely and we are crazy about her. I am so thankful – for my wife, my youngest daughter, my kids, my life – I thank God for it all.

* * * * *

I said “ Yes, of course.”

“How’s Coral?”

“Great! We had the baby!”

“Wonderful, congratulations!”

Then, standing, I look up at the stained-glass window above the tabernacle and the image of Christ on the cross and I think, “Bring up the gifts? What gift can I bring? What thing could I present that could possibly show my gratitude?” How could anything that I offer show the depth of humility I felt holding that sweet baby and knowing that I did nothing to bring her here safe and sound, I did nothing to deserve her, I can do nothing to keep her – She is 100% blessing and grace. She is the gratuitous love of God poured out on me, my wife and our family.

So, I’m standing there with tears puddling in the corners of my eyes (okay, streaming down my face) and now, finally, I’m thinking about the gifts. What are they? What does that mean, the gifts? Indeed, I have nothing to offer- no thing, no deed that could be credited to me as my own. The Bible puts it this way, “every good and perfect gift is from above.” So then what am I doing? And it strikes me in a new and poignant way that even the gifts I offer, the gifts that we offer together, come from above. We know that God looks with favor and love on the offering that Jesus made on our behalf. We know he did then and we know that he does now when we do this in remembrance of Him. But while the offering is ours – its only ours because it is a gift from above. St. Augustine said that “when God crowns our merits, he crowns nothing else but his own gifts.”

* * * * *

I hand the wafers to Maeve, take the wine in my hands, and as we approach the altar I’m acutely aware that I have nothing to give but that which I have been given. And I have been given so much.

This Evangelical in an Episcopal Church

Informal Eucharist from Flickr via Wylio
© 2012 Steve Snodgrass, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

It is time for communion, and even this Evangelical knows that young children are discouraged from partaking, at least until they are old enough to understand the meaning behind the wafer, the meaning behind the wine. But of course if you know Sam and Abra, our youngest two children, you’ll understand how they squeeze into the aisle and practically run to the front.

Father David is kind, and he does not forsake those little children. He gives them each a wafer, and he blesses them. Maile and I catch up to them, and our family shuffles through the line, then walks around the side, all the way to the back of the church, before circling and coming up through the center aisle. Maile’s face is a deep shade of crimson.

But Sam, he seems energized by this new experience, and before I can reach for his hand he sprints down the center aisle towards our pew, stopping halfway to do a little dance, then starts off again, transforming his sprint into a skipping kind of jump.

Maile and I look at each other. Sometimes the only thing you can do is laugh.

To read more about grace in city life and our first time at St. James Episcopal Church, head on over to my guest post at Deeper Story.

Why I Don’t Instagram Alcohol Anymore

It begins! from Flickr via Wylio
© 2013 mckinney75402, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

A few days after we bought our house, a friend gave us a housewarming gift of alcohol, the specific nature of which I will not release here on the blog because I think possessing it might be illegal in the great state of Pennsylvania.

Later that week, in the midst of painting and cleaning and preparing to move, my allergies spiked, so before bed I took his gift out, poured myself a glass, and drank it down. I also Instagrammed the gift. It received 27 likes and a handful of comments, mostly from people who wanted to know where I got such a wonderful friend. I didn’t think about the picture again, at least not for a few weeks.

* * * * *

When I grew up, my first encounter with alcohol was at Veterans’ Stadium in Philadelphia, where my father took me to watch the Phillies. I was obsessed with Steve Carlton and Mike Schmidt and Von Hayes, and the stadium always took my breath away when I walked into it, not because it was beautiful, but simply because it felt bigger than anything I had ever been in before. It felt like it might consume me.

I quickly learned that the strange smell was beer and that the people acting like fools, fighting, and shouting bad words had consumed too much of it. Because I am a rule follower at heart, and because I still thought it smelled bad, I don’t think I ever drank a beer in high school. Maybe one. On my 21st birthday, I walked out the back door of our house on my way to join some friends. My father stopped me at the door and said something I’ll never forget.

“Happy Birthday. Be careful.”

Actually, it’s what he didn’t say that sticks out in my mind. He didn’t condemn me for my plans, of which I’m sure he was well aware. He didn’t try to guilt me into the behavior he desired. He didn’t remind me of the God I had grown up with, the God who would probably send someone to hell if they so much as drank a glass of wine.

This has been a lesson to me on parenting, this idea that what I don’t say can be as important as what I do say. I think my parents are both rather exceptional.

Of course, I did go out and get drunk, and one of my friends drove us around, and another one of my friends sang in the back seat the whole way home and then threw up in the lawn of my first friend’s house. When we walked into the kitchen he threw up some more. The mother of the friend whose house we were staying at had left aspirin and large glasses of water on the kitchen table for us, and in the morning she served us breakfast.

Then I went home.

I have only ever had too much to drink one or two other times in my life. Lady Liquor, for whatever reason, has never turned me on.

* * * * *

A few weeks after I Instagrammed the wonderful gift of alcohol my friend had given me after we closed on our house, my friend Seth wrote a blog post. Seth is one of the kindest human beings I know, and although we’ve never met in person, we’ve become pretty good Internet friends. I feel like I know his family, and he has always been very encouraging of my writing.

But the post he wrote a few weeks after my Instagram, it stopped me in my tracks. Here’s a part of what he wrote:

My social media feeds are a veritable booze blitz, a virtual bar without the tacky smooth jazz. All my favorite lovers are there – wine, beer, whiskey, and the occasional gin cocktail from the more discriminating drinker (I follow a few classy Instagrammers). Yes, I called the booze my lovers. What of it? I’ve said it before: I have an unhealthy relationship with the bottle.

In a truthful moment I might tell you that the Instagram photos set the butterflies in the stomach to fluttering. The sides of my tongue tighten and draw inward in a Pavlovian response to the thought of supple tannins. I can smell the rosemary drifting from the gimlet, the caramel rising from the bourbon. The fire of desire rises and my breathing quickens. This is the mild anxiety of desire…

The truth is, the social media universe has never contextualized well, and oft fails to consider that one man’s freedom might be another man’s bondage.

You see, my friend Seth has, for a time in his life, floundered in the waters of addiction. As we all do. His substance of choice was alcohol. He goes on to say, rather graciously, that he doesn’t hold those who post the pictures responsible for the torment the images put him through. He writes that “Grace extends to those who do not understand the way the dominoes fall when they post a photo of a mega-rita.” I didn’t talk to him about this yet, and I know he would never ask me or any of his friends not to post pics of alcohol on his behalf.

But it seems a small price to pay to help out a friend, doesn’t it?

I appreciate it, his grace, because even though I knew his story, I never even considered what a mere photo of booze might do to someone who is trying not to go back. I do not want my freedom to become his re-entry into bondage.

So that’s why I don’t Instagram alcohol anymore. I don’t judge those who do – quite frankly, I enjoy seeing the beer my friends are home-brewing or the things they’re celebrating. I still have a drink from time to time. But every time I’ve gone to post a pic of alcohol recently, a stark question pops up in my mind.

“What if this is the first domino?”

Is it really worth 27 likes?

* * * * *

Check out Seth’s guest post for me, “A Naked Confession: I Have a Problem With Lady Liquor”.

On an average Monday evening, my Instagram feed is composed of the following: three selfies of women in various department stores modeling dresses; five children with spaghetti-smear warpaint; six plates of slimy, grey, meatish substances tagged #foodporn; and, fifty-two adult beverages, most of which are red wine, some of which read “wine-thirty,” or “it’s 5:00 somewhere.” – See more at: http://sethhaines.com/addiction/the-recovery-room-an-awkward-instagram-grace/#sthash.pHie3sJf.dpuf

On an average Monday evening, my Instagram feed is composed of the following: three selfies of women in various department stores modeling dresses; five children with spaghetti-smear warpaint; six plates of slimy, grey, meatish substances tagged #foodporn; and, fifty-two adult beverages, most of which are red wine, some of which read “wine-thirty,” or “it’s 5:00 somewhere.”

My social media feeds are a veritable booze blitz, a virtual bar without the tacky smooth jazz. All my favorite lovers are there–wine, beer, whiskey, and the occasional gin cocktail from the more discriminating drinker (I follow a few classy instagrammers). Yes; I called the booze my lovers. What of it? I’ve said it before: I have an unhealthy relationship with the bottle.

In a truthful moment, I might tell you that the Instagram photos set the butterflies in the stomach to fluttering. The sides of my tongue tighten and draw inward in a pavlovian response to the thought of supple tannins. I can smell the rosemary drifting from the gimlet, the caramel rising from the bourbon. The fire of desire rises and my breathing quickens. This is the mild anxiety of desire.

Perhaps you are, at this particular juncture, accusing me of hyperbolic overstatement; allow me to assure you–it ain’t.

– See more at: http://sethhaines.com/addiction/the-recovery-room-an-awkward-instagram-grace/#sthash.pHie3sJf.dpuf

On an average Monday evening, my Instagram feed is composed of the following: three selfies of women in various department stores modeling dresses; five children with spaghetti-smear warpaint; six plates of slimy, grey, meatish substances tagged #foodporn; and, fifty-two adult beverages, most of which are red wine, some of which read “wine-thirty,” or “it’s 5:00 somewhere.”

My social media feeds are a veritable booze blitz, a virtual bar without the tacky smooth jazz. All my favorite lovers are there–wine, beer, whiskey, and the occasional gin cocktail from the more discriminating drinker (I follow a few classy instagrammers). Yes; I called the booze my lovers. What of it? I’ve said it before: I have an unhealthy relationship with the bottle.

In a truthful moment, I might tell you that the Instagram photos set the butterflies in the stomach to fluttering. The sides of my tongue tighten and draw inward in a pavlovian response to the thought of supple tannins. I can smell the rosemary drifting from the gimlet, the caramel rising from the bourbon. The fire of desire rises and my breathing quickens. This is the mild anxiety of desire.

Perhaps you are, at this particular juncture, accusing me of hyperbolic overstatement; allow me to assure you–it ain’t.

– See more at: http://sethhaines.com/addiction/the-recovery-room-an-awkward-instagram-grace/#sthash.pHie3sJf.dpuf

On an average Monday evening, my Instagram feed is composed of the following: three selfies of women in various department stores modeling dresses; five children with spaghetti-smear warpaint; six plates of slimy, grey, meatish substances tagged #foodporn; and, fifty-two adult beverages, most of which are red wine, some of which read “wine-thirty,” or “it’s 5:00 somewhere.”

My social media feeds are a veritable booze blitz, a virtual bar without the tacky smooth jazz. All my favorite lovers are there–wine, beer, whiskey, and the occasional gin cocktail from the more discriminating drinker (I follow a few classy instagrammers). Yes; I called the booze my lovers. What of it? I’ve said it before: I have an unhealthy relationship with the bottle.

In a truthful moment, I might tell you that the Instagram photos set the butterflies in the stomach to fluttering. The sides of my tongue tighten and draw inward in a pavlovian response to the thought of supple tannins. I can smell the rosemary drifting from the gimlet, the caramel rising from the bourbon. The fire of desire rises and my breathing quickens. This is the mild anxiety of desire.

Perhaps you are, at this particular juncture, accusing me of hyperbolic overstatement; allow me to assure you–it ain’t.

– See more at: http://sethhaines.com/addiction/the-recovery-room-an-awkward-instagram-grace/#sthash.pHie3sJf.dpuf

On an average Monday evening, my Instagram feed is composed of the following: three selfies of women in various department stores modeling dresses; five children with spaghetti-smear warpaint; six plates of slimy, grey, meatish substances tagged #foodporn; and, fifty-two adult beverages, most of which are red wine, some of which read “wine-thirty,” or “it’s 5:00 somewhere.”

My social media feeds are a veritable booze blitz, a virtual bar without the tacky smooth jazz. All my favorite lovers are there–wine, beer, whiskey, and the occasional gin cocktail from the more discriminating drinker (I follow a few classy instagrammers). Yes; I called the booze my lovers. What of it? I’ve said it before: I have an unhealthy relationship with the bottle.

In a truthful moment, I might tell you that the Instagram photos set the butterflies in the stomach to fluttering. The sides of my tongue tighten and draw inward in a pavlovian response to the thought of supple tannins. I can smell the rosemary drifting from the gimlet, the caramel rising from the bourbon. The fire of desire rises and my breathing quickens. This is the mild anxiety of desire.

Perhaps you are, at this particular juncture, accusing me of hyperbolic overstatement; allow me to assure you–it ain’t.

– See more at: http://sethhaines.com/addiction/the-recovery-room-an-awkward-instagram-grace/#sthash.pHie3sJf.dpuf

The Man Who Gets Things Done

Papa Smurph from Flickr via Wylio
© 2009 JoJo Johnson, Flickr | CC-BY | via Wylio

The old man stopped in front of Don, but he didn’t face him. He just stood there for a moment, staring straight ahead down Genna Street. When he finally spoke, anyone passing by would have thought he was speaking to the air and that Don was only an innocent bystander.

“They tell me there’s a man on this street who can get things done,” the old man said in a hoarse whisper.

Don chewed on his mustache and itched the point of his chin bone beneath his long, wiry beard. If Don could have done anything different, he would have chosen a house in Virgil that had a front porch. That was pretty much all he would have changed. He liked sitting outside, watching the traffic go by, checking out the girls. He never said anything to them, nothing like that, but he watched them closely as they passed, and they felt it, his gaze, louder than a lewd shout. Women in the area even started avoiding Genna Street. They didn’t know his name. They didn’t know one single, solitary thing about him. They just didn’t like how it felt to walk past that fifty-year-old man with the beard, always bending the brim of his low-lying ball cap and chewing on the sparse hairs of his mustache.

There was plenty Don didn’t mind about his place in Virgil. He didn’t mind the cats, even though they made the breezeway between his house and the next one smell like a litter box. He didn’t mind the honeycomb maze of alleys behind his house. Don didn’t even mind listening to Sheryl and Slim screaming at each other in the apartment above his, something he could hear with digital clarity when he was out front. Slim was the local pot dealer, and Sheryl was known to do a thing or two to make an extra buck. He didn’t mind hearing them shout. Sometimes it made him feel powerful, like he knew something about them that could be used at a later date. In Virgil you never knew what you needed or when you might need it.

But it was the lack of a porch that got him, because that meant if he wanted to sit outside he had to take out his blue lawn chair and sit it on the sidewalk, in the heat of the day, or the snow, or the rain. He didn’t like the weather, and he didn’t like how close everyone came to him when they walked by on the narrow sidewalk.

Don acted like he didn’t hear the old man, so the man cleared his throat and spoke again.

“That’s what they tell me,” the old man said when he didn’t get a response, still looking straight ahead. A few cars went by in the late morning heat, but the street was pretty quiet. It was going to be a hot day.

“People say a lot of things about this city,” Don muttered. His teeth were yellow with large gaps in between them. “I’d only believe about half of what I hear.”

The old man nodded and shuffled his cane as if he was going to walk on. But he didn’t.

“So which half are you?” the old man asked. “The half I should believe in or the half that’s make believe?”

“Depends,” Don said, leaning back in his blue chair.

“On what?”

“Depends on who you’ve been listening to,” Don said, but there was an edge to his voice now, and the phrase somehow turned into a question, as in, Who have you been listening to?

The old man turned and looked at Don for the first time.

“I’m looking for a man named Saul,” the old man said. “You know him?”

Don sighed, then reached up and put his hand over his mouth as if he was thinking real hard. He scratched his beard and he stared across the street to where the huge willow tree grew up out of the sidewalk. It was the only tree left on the block. He liked that tree. It reminded him of himself.

Don looked up at the old man.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Manny,” he said quietly, looking around. “Manny Maude.”

Don sighed, then, as if a switch had been flipped, and he gave Manny a large smile. A rush of nicotine-stained teeth appeared when his lips peeled back. He pulled a pack of Marlboro’s from his pocket, shook it, and slipped a cigarette out. He held it between his lips while rustling a small book of matches from the same pocket. The match popped to life, then sizzled, finally flamed, and he held it against the tip of the cigarette, taking a deep draw.

“Well, here’s the thing,” he said in the tight-lipped manner of someone speaking and smoking. Then he exhaled, and the smoke was a mirage, a cloud, an image inside a dream. There were epic tales in there, and the long lives of kings and the short lives of heroes. The city of Virgil was in there, for a moment, heavy and dark, but then the wind blew it away, and there was nothing but two men in a quiet street, and the heat that gathered, and the willow tree saying “Shhh” in the breeze.

Don started again.

“The thing is, yes, I’m Saul,” Don said, and Manny wasn’t surprised, although he was rather taken aback by the clammy feel of the man’s skin and how the clouds seemed to gather when they shook hands.

This story is part of a series of stories that have to do with the city of Virgil. If you’d like to know a little bit more about what’s going on, you can start with the first installment, titled “Shhh”. Check it out HERE.

What If, For One More Day, You Didn’t Give Up?

IMG_1225
Stop me if I already told you this story.

I didn’t have any writing work when Maile, our kids, and I returned from our 10,000-mile, cross-country trip in 2012 (You’ll remember that trip in all its glittering detail if you’ve read How to Use a Runaway Truck Ramp). Two or three projects that had been lining up fell apart at the last minute, and what we had hoped would be a quick one-month transition in my parents’ basement turned into an unexpected eight-month stay. (You’ll remember that basement; it’s the same one I wrote about in Building a Life Out of Words.)

(No more book plugs, I promise.)

So there we were with no idea when my next writing project might come in. Trying to figure out which credit card to put that week’s groceries on. Deciding which bills to pay and which to pass to the next month.

That was one of those times when all those little voices start up, voices of doubt and cynicism, the Voice of Responsibility and the Voice of Practicality and the Voice of Look At What All Of Your Friends Have. I started to feel just a teensy bit like a big fat loser of a husband who couldn’t even make enough money to take his wife out to eat every once in a while. (In the mean time, look at Facebook! Look at Twitter! Look at Pinterest! Everyone is so happy and everyone is rich and everyone is eating out!)

I caved under the pressure. I called some friends who called some friends and eventually a friend sent me an email about a warehouse job. It wasn’t much but it was something. Maile and I ran the numbers and realized that if I worked 45 – 50 hours a week (plus spent five hours on the road each week to and from work), and if I paid for health insurance for the family through the company’s plan, and after I paid for gas just to get to work, I’d make a whopping $1500 / month.

But I didn’t think I should take the job. Not just because of the money, either. I knew that if I took that job, I would be walking away from something very important to me, something I’d already sacrificed three years to attain: writing for a living. And once I had that job eating up all my time, I wouldn’t be able to take on writing projects even if they did come up. I knew how hard it had been to walk away from regular income before, and I didn’t know if I’d have the strength to do it again.

But it was real money, not play money in some far-off pretend future fantasy. $1500. I didn’t know what to do.

* * * * *

I’ve been getting these emails a lot lately. They go something like this:

Shawn, I was just like you. Trying every product
under the sun for the last THREE years..

I failed and failed…

Then, I found this: Amazing video revealed

Within first 3 days, I had profited OVER $8,600.

Here’s proof:
Click here to see proof

Because that’s pretty much what all of us kind of want, right? Click here and make money. Click here for the secret. Click here and all your problems will be gone.

But it never works out that way. There’s no job that does it. There’s no relationship that does it. There’s no book deal or signing-with-an-agent or college degree that does it. We spend so much time looking for the things that matter, but the only place we ever look is where we think the money is hidden.

You know where it’s all hidden? All of it? Behind perseverance and trust and the willingness to wait just one more day. And then one more day. And then one more day.

* * * * *

After much prayer and deliberation and counsel, Maile and I decided I should pass up on the job that would make me $1500 per month. We both believed that something would come up. That was a Sunday afternoon, when we made that decision.

On Monday we received two checks. One, from a relative, for $500. Another, a cashier’s check in the mail from an anonymous donor, for $1,000. We unexpectedly made, in one day, what I would have made working for a month at the warehouse.

* * * * *

I actually have no idea what the point is to this story, because I also know plenty of people who made the leap into self-employment or living out their dream and had to crawl humbly back when their plans didn’t pan out. Unlike the network marketing salesmen, I can’t promise you a certain level of income after a certain number of months or years. I don’t know why I’m so fortunate. But I do know one thing.

I went six months after that decision without making any real money, and I didn’t once regret my choice not to take that job. Because I knew I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Writing my blog. Working on my own projects. Trusting. And in the midst of all that, my friend Matthew Paul Turner invited me to go to Sri Lanka as a World Vision blogger. I never would have been able to do that if I had just taken that warehouse position. And then in December I finally landed my next project, a dream job in which I got to travel to Istanbul and write the powerful story of an amazing man.

So maybe that’s the only real point to this story.

Don’t give up. Stick it out one more day.

Stay sober for 24 more hours.

Keep working on that novel. One more chapter.

Don’t close your business yet. One more day.

One more day.