Just a little bit more please. A little more money. More house. More shoes. A few more blog subscribers and Facebook fans and Twitter followers. More please, I’m almost but not quite satisfied, thank you very much.
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This year will look so much like all the other ones…and also nothing like the other ones, but for all my resolutions, I can’t make anything new. All I can do is behold. Watch. Wait.
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I worked the problem to find my answer, but when my answer didn’t show up in the list or possible options, I picked the closest alternative. Writing teacher was so much easier for me to conceptualize than professional writer.
I didn’t know how to achieve my plan A, so I accepted plan B instead.
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That’s what I do now. No parties, no alcohol, no whooping and hollering. Come midnight on the first, I take a walk outside. I look at the stars and I breathe deep, and I ready myself for one more trip through the calendar. Did it this January first, too. I could hear the neighbors celebrating. I wished them well.
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because there are somethings that are more important than the ideology i surround myself with, the ways i try to present myself to the world. my life is not about downward mobility, or loving my neighbors, or working and living with the urban poor.
my life is about being obedient, which is all so much harder than that.