Tuesday’s Top 10: Reasons I Hate Fruit

When I was in kindergarten I wasn’t allowed to go outside for recess until I ate my fruit-filled jello. I didn’t like apples, so I sat there at the table while my five-year-old peers ran carefree through the gym, or played on the swings.

This is probably the primary reason that I hate fruit.

But there are ten more:

1) Seeds – raspberries are really the only fruit I remotely enjoy eating, but those little seeds are annoying. I’m always worried I’m going to break a tooth.

2) Cores – I don’t like cores. But my daughter never had a problem with them. Give her an apple to eat, and she’d come back to you holding a small piece of stem, having eaten the entire thing: apple, core, seeds, the whole thing. Did you know that apple seeds have cyanide in them? Why would I eat food that contains a poisonous substance?

3) Original Sin – without fruit, we’d still be romping naked through the Garden of Eden, playing with our pet lions. Now we mostly wear clothes, and lions eat us. I blame fruit.

4) Peels – there’s nothing peskier than a well-placed banana peel.

5) Pies – nothing ruins a good pie more than adding some fruit. Vanilla pie? Yum. Pecan pie? Awesome. Cantaloupe pie? Yuck.

6) Pits – peach pits look like little brains. Why would I eat something if it is going to expose that thing’s walnut-sized brain?

7) Texture – this is probably my biggest hang-up with fruit. The texture. I’m not into the springy crunch of apples, the mushy sensation of a banana, or the sandpapery feel of watermelon.

8) Fruit Cake – I used to like cake. Then I tried fruit cake. If you want to ruin a perfectly good cake, put fruit in it.

9) Fruit trees – I fell out of a cherry tree when I was young and hit every branch on my way down. This was not a pleasant experience. No fruit = no fruit trees = no pain in the world.

10) Fruit flies – these demons from the underworld come literally out of no where. One day, you have a bowl with some fruit in it. The next day, you have a bowl with fruit in it and a swarm of flies. According to my scientific analysis, this means that fruit flies are actually the offspring of fruit.

Am I alone? Am I the only person on the face of the planet who scorns fruit?

9 Replies to “Tuesday’s Top 10: Reasons I Hate Fruit”

  1. You know, if I had to eat cantaloupe pie, I’d probably hate fruit too.

    But really, I haven’t met a berry I didn’t like. In the summer, I love to pick blueberries. I can eat a pound of those things in a sitting (and that is likely only a slight exaggeration — I adore blueberries). Not a fan so much of melons, but berries? Bring ’em on.

  2. I don’t mind some fruit, but I don’t like a lot of them. And the little bit of fruit I do like, I’m verynpicky on how I eat it. I like apple sauce, but I can’t eat apples (unless they are sliced and smothered in penut butter, etc)

    You are not alone Shawn. An the more I read your blog, the more I like you ;)

  3. I agree about the seeds, but only in some fruit. If it’s large enough that I can pick it up and get rid of it, I’m fine. Peaches, grapes, even apple seeds….even dates don’t bother me. But raspberry seeds…fuhgeddaboudit

  4. You are not alone! I too, hate fruit. It’s mostly due to texture and smell, but even as a kid I couldn’t stand it. I do have one piece of watermelon a year, and sometimes apples or bananas if they’re covered in chocolate, but that’s it

  5. No jam on warm buttered toast? I’m not sure I could get behind that. You do have some valid reasons for your aversion, though. Your #1 reminds me of why I hate peas and carrots.

  6. I too hate fruit, except the occasional raspberry. I HATE the mushiness of it. It is all so slimey and juicey for me

  7. I would choose to eat almost anything else before eating fruit….the things that I very much dislike about fruit are STICKY, SOUR, BITTER and ACID! I agree with “seeking pastor” about an orange! Ah! I hate the sticky ordeal of it! I think a pear is the closest thing to a non-acidy, sweeter, not-so-sticky fruit I could handle. Here’s my biggest gripe! I love to go to a coffee shop and have a latte and a goodie, however, what is there to eat? Well, let’s see….we have blueberry, raspberry or currant scones. We also have lemon muffins with citrus glaze and then there is huge cinnamon rolls with, yes, RAISINS! I just want a plain scone or a muffin with no fruit or a cinnamon roll with no raisins! Is that so much to ask???? I always leave mad and disappointed! I embarrass my husband every time we go into Starbucks. I always order a latte and a maple nut scone. They don’t offer maple nut scones any longer and haven’t for years now, but I still order it just in case they’ve come to their senses!

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