Tuesday’s Top 10: Facts About Shaving

I don’t shave very much, now that I don’t have a real job. Mostly because it’s kind of a bother, but also because I have a sensitive face.

Did I mention I’m a huge wuss?

I feel bad for my buddies who have to shave every day, and for you poor girls who have so many more square inches to shave than we do. So I spent wasted some time on the internet looking up interesting facts on shaving. Read on – thanks to this website you won’t be disappointed:

1 – It is estimated that a man will shave at least 20,000 times in his lifetime.

2 – While shaving, a person removes about as much skin as hair.

3 – The average person has about 615 hairs per square centimeter.

4 – Men’s facial hair grows at a rate of approximately half an inch per month (6 inches per year).

5 – For men, it would take roughly 16 years of shaving to collect together one pound of hair clippings.

6 – Peter the Great of Russia imposed a tax on beards, which was collected at every town gate.

7 – Nearly 70% of American women prefer a clean-shaven man.

8 – 10 feet the length of the longest mustache on record grown by Birger Pellas of Sweden.

9 – 17.5 feet the length of the longest beard on record grown by Hans Langseth of Norway.

10 – Pseudofolliculitisbarbae is the the medical term for razor burn.

So which of these is your favorite shaving fact, and what do you think about it? For that matter, what do you think about shaving in general?

Tuesday’s Top Ten: Candy BY FLAVOR

We’ve done a top 10 candy post before, but we’ve never broken it down to this level, and it needs to be done.

No longer can we simply present the name of a candy and say it is our favorite, unless we are going to clarify which flavor we are talking about.

For example, it doesn’t make sense for us to say we love Runts, when what we actually love are the purple and pink pieces (while hating the bananas, oranges and limes).

Why am I writing as if there is more than one of me at the keyboard?

Anywhoo…on to the top ten candy flavors of all time (in no particular order):

1) Big League Chew GRAPE

2) Sour Skittles CHERRY

3) Sour Skittles GRAPE

4) Sour Patch Kids RED (what is that, strawberry or cherry?)

5) Laffy Taffy STRAWBERRY

6) Laffy Taffy GRAPE

7) Now N Laters GRAPE

8) Now N Laters CHERRY

9) Swedish Fish GRAPE (no longer in production – trust me, I contacted the company)

10) Nerds STRAWBERRY

Now for a brief list of candy flavors so disgusting most other countries use them as fertilizer, or sift from their tastier counterparts before putting them in septic tanks:

- Black Licorice (including those pink and white pill-shaped things that hide black licorice inside)

- Banana Runts (like eating a curved Calormene scimitar)

- Lemon Sour Patch Kids (redundant?)

- Banana Laffy Taffy (just plain gross)

I expect today’s comments section to be filled with complete agreement, as this is the best candy list every compiled.

Good day.

Tuesday’s Top 10: Reasons I Hate Fruit

When I was in kindergarten I wasn’t allowed to go outside for recess until I ate my fruit-filled jello. I didn’t like apples, so I sat there at the table while my five-year-old peers ran carefree through the gym, or played on the swings.

This is probably the primary reason that I hate fruit.

But there are ten more:

1) Seeds – raspberries are really the only fruit I remotely enjoy eating, but those little seeds are annoying. I’m always worried I’m going to break a tooth.

2) Cores – I don’t like cores. But my daughter never had a problem with them. Give her an apple to eat, and she’d come back to you holding a small piece of stem, having eaten the entire thing: apple, core, seeds, the whole thing. Did you know that apple seeds have cyanide in them? Why would I eat food that contains a poisonous substance?

3) Original Sin – without fruit, we’d still be romping naked through the Garden of Eden, playing with our pet lions. Now we mostly wear clothes, and lions eat us. I blame fruit.

4) Peels – there’s nothing peskier than a well-placed banana peel.

5) Pies – nothing ruins a good pie more than adding some fruit. Vanilla pie? Yum. Pecan pie? Awesome. Cantaloupe pie? Yuck.

6) Pits – peach pits look like little brains. Why would I eat something if it is going to expose that thing’s walnut-sized brain?

7) Texture – this is probably my biggest hang-up with fruit. The texture. I’m not into the springy crunch of apples, the mushy sensation of a banana, or the sandpapery feel of watermelon.

8) Fruit Cake – I used to like cake. Then I tried fruit cake. If you want to ruin a perfectly good cake, put fruit in it.

9) Fruit trees – I fell out of a cherry tree when I was young and hit every branch on my way down. This was not a pleasant experience. No fruit = no fruit trees = no pain in the world.

10) Fruit flies – these demons from the underworld come literally out of no where. One day, you have a bowl with some fruit in it. The next day, you have a bowl with fruit in it and a swarm of flies. According to my scientific analysis, this means that fruit flies are actually the offspring of fruit.

Am I alone? Am I the only person on the face of the planet who scorns fruit?