Parenting Shortcuts, Trust, and 30 Years of Sub-par Music

“But when I, having been where I have, open the door of my fridge and see through one empty glass shelf to the next it leaves me feeling uneasy and, if I’m being honest, a little forgotten by the Big Man Upstairs. Though the paycheck goes in the bank tonight, this is still a new thing for me – not being able to fix my situation with a band-aid and a credit card.”

* * * * *

“I wasn’t really planning on quitting. It wasn’t like I had been sitting around thinking about how tired I was of working there. In fact, I actually really like my job at Starbucks. I work with really nice people. My job is fun. I make tips and have great benefits. And the best part is that, at the end of the day, I don’t have to bring my work home with me (unless of course you count my free coffee…)”

* * * * *

“and we’re feeling the strain. of wanting the old back, but aching for these children whose mother isn’t making the effort. we learned recently she’s been hurting them when they go home for the occasional weekend, and i told her no more of this back and forth. i told her we need to either adopt them ourselves, or find another Christian couple who will.”

and i don’t think we can adopt them.”

* * * * *

“When we were away last weekend I realized again the gift of being fully present, disconnected from anything that is not in-the-flesh.  It re-sets me, I regain consciousness of the present moment, the beautiful mundane.  I have time to think about life through an uncluttered lens, and the world of the internet becomes less urgent, put back in its proper place.  When we visit my parents’ their internet is so slow that I don’t even bother checking email, and by the time we come home I no longer want to.”

* * * * *

“The thought of, for example, working on the CD for six more months before declaring it ‘done’ would have been considered short-term economic stupidity. As a result, we are saddled with thirty years of sub-par music–if they’d just held on a bit longer, it would all sound so much better.”

* * * * *

“The world clatters into our haven and tries to thwart us at every turn; we know it waking up and we know it going to sleep. The poet Richard Wilbur called it “the punctual rape of every blessed day” and the language may be harsh, but the days are nothing if not harsh, no?

* * * * *

“I’m starting to enjoy the wide open space between letting go and being caught, to lean into the in-between, into the small discomforts of waiting and needing.  One thing I know for sure is that these spaces – the spaces made by our letting go, the wearing thin ones, the crowding together on the couch or floor ones – are the ones that open us to the possibility that we’re learning how to fly.”

* * * * *

“And I have nothing against committing to a job for a lifetime; my problem is having my sense of freedom erode day by day.  The more I become embedded, the harder it will become to “get out” … if I should ever choose to “get out.”  Will I eventually marry this business and sacrifice my dreams to earn a Ph.D.?  Will I become like so many others and just let this business take my soul?

* * * * *

“It isn’t lost on me how my parenting short-cuts have mistreated the people I love, cultivated bad habits, and broken trust. I have bad habits to break, new habits to make, and relationships to repair.”