Maile and I met Amber and her husband at a mutual friends’ Halloween party – Maile and I had dressed up Amish. That’s right, Amish. Amber and her adopted son’s birth mom, Ashley, have such a unique and wonderful relationship. Today, Amber talks about how it evolved into what it is today.

My husband and I have entered into our fourth year of open adoption.  We adopted our son at birth 3.5 years ago.  We are thrilled that we are part of an ongoing open adoption relation with our son’s birth mom, Ashley.  This past May, Ash and I celebrated Mother’s Day together for the first time on the eve of Mother’s Day.  It was a really special evening for us.  I want to let you in on a little of our dinner conversation that evening.

We spent some time recollecting about both of our first Mothers’ day.  I shared with her how I still treasure the letter she wrote me on that day. About how I wanted to see her that first mother’s day and share it with her. How my wonderful voice-of-reason husband told me it was okay for it to be my day that first mother’s day. That I should revel in it and enjoy it.  Our adoption wasn’t fully open at the point yet.  We were in communication by email, but had not had a post-placement visit yet {that happened about two weeks after that first Mother’s day and our adoption has been wide open ever since}.

I shared with her my thoughts about Birth Mother’s day in the very beginning of our relationship and my thoughts about it now.  You see, I remember being so excited there was a day to celebrate her.  I do not think I was being cold and completely ignoring her on the actual Mother’s day.  I just thought it was neat.  I could have my day and she could have her day.  ::Neat little separate days::

I have gradually realized that the celebration does not have to be separate.  Just because she isn’t parenting B, doesn’t mean she is not a mother.  I know that may sounds odd, progressive and scary to some of you that are not in the open adoption world. I am completely secure in my position as B’s mommy. I know that nothing will change that.  Acknowledging her on this retail-made holiday does not make me any less of a mother.  Not acknowledging her and her contribution does not make me any better of a mother.  I owe my motherhood to her.  I owe his life to her.  Who better to celebrate with than her?

God gave us such an unexpected gift in her.  Our agency told us we would love her and that we would probably want to adopt our son’s birth mom.  I just didn’t realize that God would give me such an amazing gift in her.  A close friend and confidante was not something I expected.   Someone to negotiate and hold at arm’s length. That is what I expected.  Someone who would understand me as a mother I did not expect.  Someone who would squeal and jump up and down and be ecstatic as us at every little new thing he did.  I did not expect that.  I am so glad that God works miracles beyond our highest expectations.  I am glad our son will always know that he was wanted and is loved more than he can ever imagine.

For as long as I can remember, my favorite verse in the Bible has been Isaiah 55:8-9, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  This verse has never been more true in my life than now.

Check out Amber’s blog over at “Bumber’s Bumblings.”

If you’d like to submit a post telling the story of a poignant moment that occurred during adoption or foster care, please email your 500-word submission to shawnsmucker@yahoo.com. Thanks!

Prior adoption and foster care posts include:

Open Adoption and Who Gets to be the Mom on Mother’s Day – Ashley Glick
The Problem With Permanent Marker – A Foster Care Story With Jeffrey Lane

Fear and an Open Adoption – Adoption Stories With Rebecca Wenrich
I Saw Our New Son and the Voice Said, “Run Away” – Adoption Stories With Kim Van Brunt

Checking ‘Yes’ to Everything: Adoption Stories With Sonya Judkins

Because Someone Has To: Adoption Stories With Shar Halvorsen
Momma For a Moment: A Foster Care Story, With Tamara Out Loud